Closing the Door…

As I travel through life’s journey, I find myself at yet another crossroads…
…and I’m forced to ask the question…
…can I close the door on love?…

Am I ready to walk away from the very thing that I’ve fought for…
….prayed for…
….cried for…
…for all of these years…

My heart encourages me to persevere…
…but my mind says it’s time to move on…
…is it really worth it…
…what’s it all about…

…I pull…
…you push…
….we love…
…we hurt…
…we break…
…I cry…
…you run…
…time passes…
….I wait…
….We return…
…we love…
…we hurt…
….we break…
…you run…
…I cry…

And the cycle just keeps repeating…
…it seems the story never ends…
Now, I’m forced to ask the question…
…is it really worth it?…
…What’s it all about?…
…Can I close the door on love?…

Is it time to turn the page???

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.”― Paulo Coelho

“Apology Girl”

I promised myself I would no longer dwell in the shadow of my past…but old wounds have a way of resurfacing, reminding us that we’re not as healed as we think we are…

My apologies for my brokenness…

I surrendered my pieces to God a long time ago…and I prayed he would give me a fresh start…a new beginning…but what do you do when God gives you exactly what you prayed for, but insecurity convinces you that you don’t deserve it? How do you dispel the memories from relationships past that have convinced you that you’re not worth staying for? I don’t mean to be pessimistic, but it’s easy to expect the worst when you’ve become accustomed to things not working out…

Forgive me for my pieces…

I don’t mean to project my insecurities onto you…because I know what we have is nothing like what I had to lose in order to find you… I believe this may actually be the start of something beautiful…but I’m terrified at the thought of having something/someone to lose (again)… and I’m hesitant to entrust my heart to someone new, because I don’t think I can survive another heartbreak…and although I want to give you the very best of me, the shadow of my doubts has me convinced that even my best won’t be good enough…that you wouldn’t be able to accept my truth…that you wouldn’t be able to see past my pieces…and I can’t bear the thought of being disappointed again, nor do I want to disappoint you…so, I push you away…

I’m sorry…

If its perfect love you desire, I can never give that to you…the truth is, I’m a mess…and I just might get it wrong more times than I get it right…but if only you could see past my scars into who I really am, then you would know that I’m worth every bit of struggle we might go through…if you could truly see my heart then you would know, my love may not be perfect, but it’s strong…and it would never give up on you or cause you to feel diminished…and while I can’t undo the pain from your past, I promise to handle your pieces with care…to lead you out of the shadows and to saturate you in the light of the future…I only ask that you would have a little faith in me…and don’t discredit my love before you’ve even had the chance to experience it…I promise, I’m nothing like the before…

Goodbye Yesterday, Hello Tomorrow (my 10 minute writing assignment)

I used to be consumed by yesterday, until God blessed me with a new tomorrow…and I live in that tomorrow, today….and now days that were once filled with darkness, tears and unspeakable pain are colored in love and filled with promise…tomorrow has unburdened my heart and given me new inspiration….

At first I thought there was no room in my life for a new tomorrow…I thought tomorrow was merely a band-aid, a temporary fix, that I could use to hold me over until yesterday began again…You see, I had lived in yesterday for so long that the sickness began to feel like the cure and I had convinced myself that yesterday was where I belonged…Then I found myself staring tomorrow in the face and suddenly it all became clear…

“If you’re brave enough to say good bye, life will reward you with a new hello.”- Paulo Coelho

Memories made in the coldest winter…

Before I begin my session of serial blogging, I guess I should first provide a little bit of background information (especially considering that I have neglected my blog for the last four months…sheesh!)…So, at the start of my blog, I shared about the progress I had been making on my journey to wholeness…but…as we know, progress is a process that can often be two steps forward and one step back…Needless to say, fall turned into winter and I quickly found myself traveling backwards on the road to healing (hence the title of my blog post)…Thankfully, I was able to pull it together and get myself back on track…However, this would not be an honest blog if I withheld that piece of my journey…So, with that being said, my next few posts will be things I had written during that dark season of my life…after I post these writings, I fully intend to turn the page on winter so that I can finally embrace the newness of spring…and, YES, there will be newness!;-)

Stay tuned…