“Apology Girl”

I promised myself I would no longer dwell in the shadow of my past…but old wounds have a way of resurfacing, reminding us that we’re not as healed as we think we are…

My apologies for my brokenness…

I surrendered my pieces to God a long time ago…and I prayed he would give me a fresh start…a new beginning…but what do you do when God gives you exactly what you prayed for, but insecurity convinces you that you don’t deserve it? How do you dispel the memories from relationships past that have convinced you that you’re not worth staying for? I don’t mean to be pessimistic, but it’s easy to expect the worst when you’ve become accustomed to things not working out…

Forgive me for my pieces…

I don’t mean to project my insecurities onto you…because I know what we have is nothing like what I had to lose in order to find you… I believe this may actually be the start of something beautiful…but I’m terrified at the thought of having something/someone to lose (again)… and I’m hesitant to entrust my heart to someone new, because I don’t think I can survive another heartbreak…and although I want to give you the very best of me, the shadow of my doubts has me convinced that even my best won’t be good enough…that you wouldn’t be able to accept my truth…that you wouldn’t be able to see past my pieces…and I can’t bear the thought of being disappointed again, nor do I want to disappoint you…so, I push you away…

I’m sorry…

If its perfect love you desire, I can never give that to you…the truth is, I’m a mess…and I just might get it wrong more times than I get it right…but if only you could see past my scars into who I really am, then you would know that I’m worth every bit of struggle we might go through…if you could truly see my heart then you would know, my love may not be perfect, but it’s strong…and it would never give up on you or cause you to feel diminished…and while I can’t undo the pain from your past, I promise to handle your pieces with care…to lead you out of the shadows and to saturate you in the light of the future…I only ask that you would have a little faith in me…and don’t discredit my love before you’ve even had the chance to experience it…I promise, I’m nothing like the before…